Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Are you struggling to deal with issues in your life? Whether your relationship is going through a difficult time, or whether you yourself are having problems, counseling could help. Yet, with several options open to you when it comes to choosing counseling, how do you make the right choice? Christian counseling is one such option. Offering a host of benefits, it could be the best option to suit your needs. So, what should you know about this form of counseling, and how could it help you? Here, we take a closer look.
What Do Christian Counselors Do?
Christian counselors take a different approach to counseling services. They have a singular advantage over other types of counselors. This is because they can approach issues in a holistic and three-dimensional way. They focus on the mind, body, and spirit.
While some other approaches to counseling overlook the spiritual element, Christian counselors ensure it’s an integral part of their sessions. The Bible tells us that we are psychological, physical, and spiritual beings. This means that all three dimensions have a key role to play in our happiness and health. Christian counselors recognize that a healing, caring, and loving God created each individual to be unique. This means Christian counseling is a valuable and highly beneficial way to address problems in your life.
This type of counseling offers several unique benefits to participants. Here are just five of them.
Recognition of A Higher Authority
Most regular counselors turn to experts in psychology or the most recent trends to find authorities to rely on. Christian counselors have no need for this. They recognize that God is the higher authority they are looking for. God’s word provides the key principles that can help individuals to live their best lives. Jesus’ teachings can help those who are struggling to overcome their problems. Recognizing that God is able and willing to help is absolutely invaluable. Whether you’re Christian, have a different faith, or no religion at all, Christian counseling helps you realize you’re not alone. You have someone to accompany you on the journey of life, and that partner is God.
Christian Counselors Accept Absolute Truth
Some counselors ask clients to follow their hearts and do whatever they believe to be right. However, Christian counselors take a different approach. They know that applying the truth of God’s principles is a better way to go. A Christian counselor can help you to prioritize, then, achieve the changes you desire in your life. They do this against a background of the Bible’s truth.
Pursuing A Higher Goal
Most counselors are there to help their clients to pursue happiness in their lives. However, Christian counselors look at this from a different viewpoint. They help their clients to pursue God. Through God, they can, then, find a purposeful and meaningful life. The unconditional forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love of God can free people who are struggling from their problems.
Christian Counselors Offer Real Healing
Regular counseling is quite limited in terms of addressing deep spiritual and emotional wounds. However, Christian counselors are able to bring their clients into a closer relationship with God. This, in turn, allows true healing to take place.
Christian Counselors Can Offer Real Hope
In the Christian faith, there is one real hope – enjoying eternity in heaven with God. In heaven, there is no suffering or pain, only peace, joy, and love. By gaining the eternal perspective, it’s possible to gain hope and a fulfilling and positive life today on Earth.
Can I Benefit from Seeing a Christian Counselor?
There are many people who can benefit from seeing a Christian counselor. Those with addictions, mood disorders, mental health problems, family issues, marital breakdowns, loss or grief can all benefit. Christian counselors can help individuals to navigate the challenges of life in a hopeful and healthy way. They can promote healing through spirituality for a more positive approach to the here and now. Whether you are a practicing Christian or want to take a spiritual approach to counseling, a Christian counselor can help.
Flatirons Counseling Services Is Here for You
If you are looking for Christian counseling in Colorado, Flatirons Counseling Services is here for you. Our Christian therapists can present a compassionate and faith-based approach to counseling and therapy. With their support, your faith self-awareness will increase, and you’ll learn how to integrate psychological solutions with your faith. As a result, you will learn how to address the issues in your life in a healthy and positive way. By pairing modern models of therapy with a traditional biblical approach, our counselors will help you live a better life. You will soon learn a new way of looking at the issues you experience from a religious perspective. Contact Flatirons Counseling Services today and arrange your initial complimentary consultation.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
If you think about marriage counseling, you probably imagine a relationship that is breaking down. Perhaps one partner has had an affair, or, perhaps, there is simply no longer a spark. Couples counseling isn’t just for emergencies. It can bring major improvements to all aspects of a relationship, even when there is no imminent crisis.
How can counseling help all couples to strengthen their bonds? Here, we look at some of the benefits it can offer.
Providing A Forum for Discussion
In all relationships, there are some occasions when you need somebody you can talk to. Even if you don’t need advice, you may just want somebody to hear what you have to say. All couples can benefit from a counselor to facilitate a forum for discussion. There will be times when all couples are unable to resolve an issue by themselves. Even when those issues aren’t causing a major problem in the partnership, it’s still helpful to see a therapist. Having a neutral person who can listen without any bias makes all the difference when it comes to resolving problems. It can also bring a new perspective to an issue.
Gaining A Better Understanding of The Dynamics of the Relationship
Both partners bring something individual to a relationship, and those dynamics can be difficult to understand. Marriage counseling helps both partners to come to a better understanding of how the dynamics work between them. Communication holds the key to having an understanding relationship. A therapist can facilitate that communication and help both partners to balance their motivations.
Providing A Safe Place
Therapists aren’t biased to one partner or the other. Unlike friends or family members who will inevitably take sides, a therapist is a neutral party. There is no judgment during counseling, and this ensures that therapy is a safe place.
Prevention Is Better Than Cure
Most people think counseling is something that couples only have when they’re ready to end their relationships. However, therapy is actually extremely helpful to ensure that nothing goes wrong in the relationship. It can address problems before they get out of hand. The rate of divorce stands at around 50 percent in first marriages. It is 67 percent in second marriages and 73 percent in third marriages. This strongly suggests that finding a form of prevention is vital. If couples seek counseling long before divorce is even a possibility, they can head it off at the pass. Too many couples wait too long to get marriage counseling. By taking action to prevent a crisis, couples can enjoy the positive benefits. They can pinpoint shortcomings and issues before they create vicious cycles and ongoing conflicts. The sooner a couple addresses those problems, the happier the marriage can be.
Therapy Is Not A Form of Punishment
All too often, therapy has a reputation of being a form of punishment. It’s what we do if we’ve done something wrong and need to fix it. Yet, counseling for couples actually focuses more on what each partner brings to the relationship. It centers around managing the differences between both parties. When couples learn those things at an early stage before bad habits have set in, they can avoid the pitfalls that make relationships challenging.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Over time, couples develop habits and patterns when it comes to communication. Once these have become set, it’s hard to change them. Yet, if those habits are unhealthy, a relationship can decline rapidly. Unhealthy patterns of communication lead to anger, misunderstandings, conflict, and hurt. Whether couples yell, bicker, jump to conclusions or fail to listen to each other, their relationships will suffer over time. Luckily, couples therapy in Boulder can help to alter those patterns of communication. By working together, they can develop healthier habits that improve and strengthen the partnership.
How can therapy help couples to reach a better understanding of how to communicate more effectively? Here, we look at some of the ways.
Learning to Listen
In many relationships, couples only half-listen to each other. Whether they’re watching TV or using their phones during conversations, a lack of attention is a major problem. Couples therapy emphasizes the importance of learning to listen. Couples learn how vital it is to give undivided attention to their partners. They also learn how to listen more effectively and how to have more effective conversations.
Thinking Before Reacting
Many couples are used to reacting to their partner in a particular way. However, this can lead to conflict within the relationship. Couples therapy in Boulder encourages each partner to take time to think before reacting.
Getting the Facts
When couples need to address an issue, they need to learn to get all the facts first. This is the key to effective communication. Too many couples jump to conclusions or place blame rather than taking the time to understand the situation fully. During therapy, couples learn new techniques to avoid conflict by sharing information.
Looking at Situations from A Different Viewpoint
Many people can only see issues from their own viewpoints. During therapy, they learn to view problems from their partners’ point of view. This is essential to developing empathy and can change the way they approach problems within the relationship.
As part of therapy, couples learn to take responsibility for their own behaviors and feelings. This is especially important during compromises and negotiations. Couples learn how to rephrase their concerns and how to invite each other to work together to reach a solution. Open-mindedness is vital when approaching conflicts. By learning how to focus on reaching solutions instead of on placing blame, couples can enjoy more positive interactions.
The Benefits of Couples Therapy
Communication is one of the most challenging aspects of any relationship. Learning how to address issues and handle problems constructively can be difficult. This is especially the case when patterns and habits are long-established. However, with the best couples therapy in Boulder, it is possible to overcome the challenges. With the right help, couples can learn to break down the barriers that they have built over the years. They can, then, learn how best to approach problems and work together to resolve conflicts. As a result, their relationships can grow stronger and more positive.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Often, couples who consider divorce fail to recognize the impact on their children. Children can be greatly affected by their parents’ separation. It may affect their relationships, their education, and their behavior. Experts agree constant fighting between couples is harmful to children. When a relationship has completely broken down, staying together just because of the family is not the right choice. In many cases, Christian family counseling can help couples learn better and healthier ways of getting along. This may help the family unit to remain intact in the long run.
Children and Divorce
There is plenty of research to suggest that children are greatly affected by their parents’ divorce. Children aged 8 or under are especially affected. They struggle to understand what is happening and find it hard to adapt to the changes that inevitably occur. Evidence has shown that children whose parents are divorcing struggle with their social skills and in school. They are also at greater risk of anxiety, poor self-esteem, and loneliness.
Divorce does not just affect young children. Teenagers, too, feel the impact. Many become rebellious or aggressive. Others find it affects their own relationships. This can have a severe effect on their lives in the long term. It may even result in marital problems of their own in the future.
Is Divorce Always A Problem for Children?
In some cases, parental separation can be the best option for children. In cases of domestic violence, for example, divorce can help children to avoid the long-lasting emotional impact. Even when there is no physical fighting, serious ongoing conflict is also detrimental to children. Threatening behavior, name-calling, and yelling damages children’s development. Children who are living with parents who abuse substances may also be better off if their parents separate. However, that isn’t to say that they won’t experience trauma and distress during the divorce process.
What Should Parents Do if They Are Considering Divorce?
If you are considering divorce and have children, seeking professional Christian family counseling can be very helpful. It is never too late to get help. Family counseling may help couples to reconcile with each other and find healthy ways to address their problems. Even when the relationship does not work out, family counseling helps the family unit stay strong.
A Christian counseling service can help couples to make the right decision about their future. By attending family counseling, they can identify their options and choose the right steps for them. Family counseling can also help the whole family to learn new communication skills. They can also learn how best to function as a unit, whether the parents remain together or not.
With Flatirons Christian family counseling, families can find new and healthy ways to negotiate life together. With the help of our expert counselors, you and your children can find the way forward. Whether you choose to stay together as a couple or not, Flatirons can facilitate your communication as a family unit.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Are you trying to decide whether you should get a divorce or stay in your challenging relationship? Marriage counseling in Longmont, CO, could help you to choose.
There are many people who are struggling to cope in unsatisfying marriages. They wonder whether they should continue putting up with the status quo or whether to embark on a single life.
Going through these problems is a difficult time in your life. The immediate actions that you take now could make a huge difference to your future. However, with support from a counselor, you may be able to improve your relationship and make it work. Alternatively, you may decide that ending your marriage is right for you. Either way, that choice is easier to make with help from a trained marriage counselor.
Marriage counselors are highly trained and experienced in the field of couples’ relationships. While they cannot solve relationship problems, they can facilitate the process of working through them for a happier conclusion. So, how can marriage counseling prove to be beneficial for struggling couples in Colorado?
Looking at What Must Change
It is impossible to repair a damaged marriage until you have identified the nature of the problem. Pinpointing the precise reasons why both of you are unhappy is a good place to start. It is beneficial to draw up a list of essential changes that could make you both happier with your relationship. Whether you are looking for greater independence, a stronger emotional connection or more affection, outlining your needs can be helpful. Once you both understand each other’s needs, you can take steps to address them. A marriage counselor can take you through this process.
If you and your spouse always seem to be shouting at each other rather than talking calmly, counseling can help. By giving you a safe place to discuss your problems and feelings, it’s easier to have an honest conversation. A marriage counselor can help you to start this open discussion and facilitate listening, as well as talking.
Focusing on Personal Changes
It is impossible to force someone else to make changes. However, you can change yourself. Your counselor can help you to set goals for yourself that you can focus on. This can empower you and give you more control over your marital problems.
Reducing Outside Influences
When you are trying to decide whether to save your marriage or end it, outside influences can be disruptive. Family members and friends may offer their own advice. This advice can distract from your own goals. It is important to guard against being influenced by others’ opinions. You may also have hobbies or work that is distracting you and stopping you from focusing on the relationship. A counselor can help you to return your focus to what really matters. Marriage counseling helps you to recognize that your relationship should be your priority. It also gives you the opportunity to put it first with no distractions from elsewhere.
Not Deciding Too Early
Sometimes, people remain in their marriages, even after they have decided to end it. They do this so they can rationalize their decisions. All too often, in such cases, they try to start a fight with their partners. They do this to justify to themselves that their marriages don’t work and that leaving is the best option.
However, if you have already decided to leave, you will probably view your partner’s behavior in a very different way. Your partner’s behaviors and words are clear proof the marriage will end. Your behavior, too, will change. You will probably be more irritable, less affectionate, and less kind. In return, your spouse will respond in kind. This will only justify your opinion that you are right to end the marriage.
Rather than searching for reasons to end things, a counselor helps you refocus your energy into making your relationship better. By putting more effort into repairing the damage instead of seeking reasons for leaving, you could make a big difference.
Seeking Professional Support
Marriage counseling in Longmont, CO, can help you find new ways to improve and revitalize your damaged relationship. Whether you seek help as a couple or by yourself, you can find counseling beneficial. Here at Flatirons Counseling, our skilled team is highly trained in all elements of relationship counseling. We can take you through the process of identifying the issues in your relationship. We can help you refocus your energies on repairing your marriage rather than ending it if that’s what you want. It’s our role to be the listening ears and the discussion facilitators. We can’t make the decision for you, but we can help you to reach the right choice for you.
Contact us today to find out more about our counseling services and get your life back on track.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Do you ever wonder how you can determine how healthy or good your relationship is? If so, a Colorado marriage and family therapist may be able to help you. Your counselor can help you to spot problem areas in your marriage and find ways to address them. With the counselor’s help, you can determine how happy you both are with your relationship. You can also figure out where you can make some improvements. Here are just some of the areas to consider.
In general, are you happy with your life? This is one area that many people use to judge whether their marriages are healthy and happy. If you’re happy with your extended family, your work or other factors, you may assume everything is good.
Coping With Bad Times
Sometimes, people look for evidence of a happy marriage in the way they handle bad times. When couples are coping with difficult periods in their lives, they may assume their relationships are healthy. If you assume your partner is there for you through problems and grief, your marriage is a healthy one.
Having Fun With Each Other
Couples who enjoy each other’s company and do activities together may think their relationships are healthy. If you and your partner take exciting vacations together and enjoy fun dates, your marriage may be happy.
Some people base their marital happiness on their joint accomplishments. If you have enough money, a nice home, children, and are reaching your goals, your marriage may be healthy.
Feelings or Behaviors
Some people determine the well-being of their marriages based on their feelings. Do you feel loving and positive toward your spouse? Do you feel as if your spouse loves you? If so, you may feel your marriage is working well.
Others base their interpretation of marital happiness on behaviors. If your spouse is helping with the household chores and giving you attention, you may have a happy marriage.
Usually, both behaviors and feelings determine the good health of your relationship. If you help each other, you will probably feel more lovingly about each other.
Determining Your Partner’s Thoughts
It sometimes comes as a surprise to people that their spouses have a different view of their marriages’ health. All too often, one partner is happy with the relationship while the other is dissatisfied. It’s important to find out the way your spouse is feeling about your marriage. By doing this, you can set realistic goals for each of you to improve the health of your relationship. A counselor can help you to pinpoint the things that each of you needs to change to improve your marriage. Then, you can begin to address those changes and make your relationship a happier and healthier one.
Seeing a Colorado marriage and family therapist with Flatirons Counseling is a helpful way to address your marital problems. By facilitating an open and honest discussion, your counselor can help you address your issues. As a result, your marriage can become a healthier and more positive one.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
There are many reasons that couples seek marriage counseling in Erie, CO. However, most counselors will agree that there are a few common themes they encounter whenever couples get marital help. Here are 11 of the most frequently seen issues.
Blended Families and Remarriage
After a divorce, it’s only natural to have concerns about remarrying. It isn’t hard to see why. Divorce rates are even higher for subsequent marriages. For couples with children already, blending their respective families may be difficult. Smoothing this transition is something that marriage counseling in Erie, CO, could help with.
Extended Family Issues
In some relationships, the in-laws can represent a serious problem. For some married couples, setting boundaries for extended family members can be a challenge. This is particularly the case in dysfunctional families. Determining the role in-laws will have in your married life is a common problem. A marriage counselor can help couples to identify new strategies for keeping their marriages healthy even with problematic family members.
Mental Health issues
If one person in the relationship struggles with mental health problems, both partners feel the impact. Anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders take their toll. They can also begin to interfere with your ability to keep your relationship healthy. Counseling can benefit couples in this situation by helping them to learn the best ways to deal with their problems.
There are many types of grief. You may be grieving a child’s or parent’s death, a miscarriage or the loss of any loved one. In every case, your marriage can take a hit. Marriage counselors can help couples to work together through their grief issues, so they won’t tear their relationships apart.
Physical Health Problems
Many people underestimate the impact that physical health can have on a marriage. When couples get older, they may suffer from a decline related to aging. This can affect their daily activities, as well as their intimacy. Some couples experience accidents or significant illnesses. This causes a sudden and significant change in their relationships. When one person in the relationship can no longer help around the house or work, marital problems can ensue. Counseling can help to address this.
One of the most common reasons for seeking counseling has to be an addiction. While most people think of alcohol or drugs when they think of addictions, there are other, less obvious addictions, too. Gambling, sex or even shopping addictions can have a major impact on a couple’s relationship. In such cases, marriage counseling is a good first step. Other therapies may also be necessary to combat addiction.
One major reason for couples coming to marriage counseling is to deal with infidelity. Trying to recover from one partner’s affair can be difficult without support. Marriage counseling can help you to determine whether your marriage is worth saving. It’s also a good opportunity to work through any emotions, feelings, or trust issues that are affecting your relationship.
Changes In Lifestyle
If you have been through a major lifestyle change, it can put serious pressure on your relationship. If you’ve recently changed careers, had a baby or relocated to a different city, your relationship can feel the effects. A marriage counselor can help you to identify your expectations. Then, he or she can help you work through the changes for a smoother transition.
Disagreements Around Parenting
Having children presents several issues for couples. If you disagree on parenting issues with your partner, conflict can be the result. Parenting philosophies and discipline strategies are common points of contention in a marriage. Marriage counseling can help both partners learn how to work together instead of against each other. As a result, you and your children can be happier.
Being able to communicate effectively within a relationship is key to a happy marriage. Yet, if couples are struggling to talk to each other, everything becomes harder. Resolving conflicts, making decisions, and solving problems all become major sources of stress. Marriage counseling helps couples to develop new communication skills so they can better manage all the areas of their relationships.
Falling Out Of Love
It’s common for couples to seek marriage counseling if they feel that their relationships have gone stale. Couples commonly tell their counselors they no longer feel “in love” with their partners. Marriage counseling is an excellent way for each partner to learn new strategies. That way, he or she can strengthen his or her bond. It can also help to rekindle that spark that brought the couple together in the first place.
Getting Marriage Counseling In Erie, CO
Here at Flatirons Counseling, we are here to help couples like you who are struggling in your relationships. Whichever of the above problems apply to you, we can offer you the guidance you need.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Sex addiction in Boulder is a complex problem. However, it’s one that causes major issues in any relationship. If your partner received a sex addiction diagnosis, you must understand how you can help in his or her recovery. Here are five useful things you should be aware of if you’re in a relationship with a sex addict.
It Isn’t Your Fault
Many people with a sex addict partner believe it was something they did that triggered that compulsive behavior. This isn’t the case. In fact, in most cases, your partner probably showed signs of his or her behavior before embarking on your relationship. You needn’t feel that your sexual ability, shape, age or weight caused your partner’s problem. While there are probably marital problems you should address, you bear no blame for his or her addiction. Your partner can only begin the process of recovery when he or she takes responsibility for his or her behavior. If you take that blame on yourself, you are only delaying his or her recovery.
You Cannot Fix His or Her Problem
No matter what you do, you can’t change your partner. It’s only possible to change yourself. Addicts don’t respond to accountability tactics. They always find some way to get around GPS locators or blocked devices. You can’t control their behavior by complaining and spying. In fact, this will only serve to make you more anxious and less self-confident. Until your partner really wants to get help, you can do absolutely nothing except care for yourself. On the other hand, you shouldn’t just ignore the problem. You should work on your own issues so you can empower yourself.
Your Feelings Do Matter
Fear, uncertainty, confusion, sadness, and anger are all common feelings for those whose partners have a sex addiction. It’s natural to feel these things and you should give yourself time to experience those emotions. Feeling is the first step to healing. You should also look for supportive people who you can rely on to help you work through your feelings. A counselor with experience in working with sex addicts and their partners can help you navigate the journey of recovery.
You Can Forgive but Not Forget
Perhaps the biggest obstacle to repairing a marriage broken by sex addiction is your ability and willingness to forgive. If you are bitter, restoration is impossible. Making your partner “pay” for his or her misdemeanors is unhelpful and will make the addict more secretive. For your relationship to be healthy, you need boundaries and restoration strategies. Forgiving your partner doesn’t mean you need to forget your pain. Instead, it means you won’t punish him or her as revenge for the betrayal.
You Have Power
It’s up to you whether you stay or go. You can set boundaries, get the support you need, and forgive your partner. Or, you can decide not to bother with the relationship anymore. The choice is entirely yours. Knowing this empowers you. Although you feel betrayed, you don’t need to be a victim. You can take greater control over your life and make choices that will help you to be whole and happy.
Getting Help with Sex Addiction in Boulder
If your partner has a sex addiction in Boulder, getting help for yourself is important. With the help of Flatirons Counseling, you can learn to help yourself. With our professional support, you can empower yourself to make the right decisions for you. Whatever you decide, we are here to help you navigate through your recovery.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
Are you struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or another individual battle? Looking to strengthen or rebuild your relationship and/or family unit, or hoping to help your child who is fighting a battle with substance abuse, self-harm, bipolar disorder, or bullying? Or are you simply just ready to live a better life or help your struggling child live a healthier life? It may be time for you or your loved one to seek professional counseling. In today’s blog, we will be diving into the benefits of professional counseling and how Flatirons Counseling Services can help you or your loved ones live a happy, healthy, balanced life.
Relief From Depression, Anxiety, & Other Mental Health Disorders
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, approximately one in five adults in the U.S. experiences mental illness in a given year, as well as one in five youth aged thirteen to eighteen, and thirteen percent of children aged eight to fifteen years old. It’s important to know that you are not alone and there are treatment options to help you live a better life, such as, professional counseling.
Through professional counseling at Flatirons Counseling Services, we will help you better understand the underlying causes of your depression, anxiety, or other mental health disorders; as well as provide you with skills to manage your symptoms and behaviors to ultimately provide relief from the debilitating effects of mental health disorders, so you can live your best life.
Greater Self-Acceptance and Self-Esteem
In life, there are many influencers for low self-acceptance and self-esteem – mental health disorders, traumatic events, family and social environments, media and body image, etc. When you receive professional counseling services, our experienced and devoted therapists will work with you through cognitive therapy to better understand what triggers your negative beliefs about yourself and where they stem from. They will also provide you with the skills necessary to develop a greater sense of self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-esteem.
Ability To Change Unwanted Behaviors/Habits
Whether you struggle with anger management, drug abuse or alcohol addiction, pornography or sex addiction, or another unwanted behavior or habit, professional counseling can help. Our therapists at Flatirons Counseling Services are understanding, compassionate, and will work with you on an individual level to recognize the underlying causes of your behaviors/habits and create a personalized therapy program to break your cycle of compulsive behaviors – so you can gain control over your life.
There are many factors that can cause strain on spousal and familial relationships – lack of communication, affairs, divorce, step and blended families, mental health, addiction, and more. Through professional counseling at Flatirons Counseling Services, we will create a counseling program tailored to your needs and provide you with essential skills and strategies to solve the underlying causes of your relational distress which will improve your connection and help you live in harmony.
Improved Coping Skills
Unfortunately, there are moments in life, such as, a death of a loved one, that leads us to feel an intolerable amount of stress, despair, anger, and sadness. By seeking professional counseling during these difficult times, you will receive professional and personalized care to help you gain improved coping skills to help you better manage life’s difficult moments in a healthy manner.
We understand life often presents many challenges that deeply affect the quality of one’s life. As you can see, many of life’s challenges influence one another or cause further suffering. We hope you take away from this blog that you don’t have to live in pain. Flatirons Counseling Services is here to help. If you or your loved one is ready to seek professional counseling and experience the benefits for themselves, please contact us today. We look forward to helping you on your journey to a happy, healthy, balanced life.
Author Archives: Timothy Milner
My son Samuel last year had ten baseball games and I had been to the first seven games. However, I knew I would have to miss the eighth game coming up the very next weekend because of a work commitment I could not avoid. When I told Sam that I would not be able to come to his game, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Dad that’s OK because you’re always there.”
You see, you don’t have to perfect – “Just Be Good Enough”!
Another true-life story illustrates this same point. I had a client decades ago who had a very demanding job. He owned a very successful custom home company that catered to our country’s elite. He only built one of a kind multimillion-dollar homes.
He told me he felt that he had to always be on top of his best game with his high-end clientele. He put forth an effort equal to 120 percent of his energies, seven days a week.
My client prided himself on the fact that he had built his company from scratch into the successful company that it was when I had met him.
However, one day all on his own he decided to stop working on Sundays to spend time with his wife and three boys.
He said to me, “Do you know what happened”? I shrugged my shoulders because honestly, I didn’t know what he would say next. He said that absolutely nothing happened. He was smiling and with pure joy, proclaimed he had lost not one customer, and in fact had gained a new client that he had never done business with before. He was ecstatic! You see, none of his clients had ever expected him to work on Sunday.
After a while, guess what happened? Yes, you guessed it: He stopped going to work on Saturday as well. He still didn’t lose a single customer and he still reported that he had so much business he didn’t know what to do; he told me all this with a boyish grin on his face. And guess what? He got to spend even more time with his wife and kids.
No one ever expected him to work on Saturday and Sunday. Yes, on Monday through Friday he still worked extremely hard, but he learned a valuable lesson about JUST BEING GOOD ENOUGH. I think he realized he was a better man for it.
For my client, it just meant work hard enough during the week, but be home on the weekends.
Finally, we have all heard the story about the young woman right out of law school trying to impress her new associates and employer in her first year working in a big law firm. Right out of the gate, she got in over her head and cost the firm over a million dollars because of a rookie mistake that anyone in her position could have made. Unfortunately, she was the one who made the mistake. It was a certainty in her mind she would be fired.
When nothing happened she sheepishly asked for a meeting with her boss and almost in tears inquired, “Aren’t you going to fire me?” He smiled and said, “Are you kidding, I just spent a million dollars training you!”
You see, sometimes as PARENTS we need to realize we JUST NEED TO BE GOOD ENOUGH.
When we make mistakes with our kids, we just need to own them and tell them that we are sorry. Yes, let me say it again: just tell them you are sorry. Your kids will say to themselves MY PARENTS JUST SAID THEY WERE SORRY! WOW, I have the coolest parents ON THE PLANET.
WHAT A GREAT LESSON THAT IS FOR YOUR CHILD, THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO HUMBLE YOURSELF WHEN YOU BLOW IT AND MAKE A MISTAKE.
What do you think they might do the next time they do something wrong?
You see, if you just show up, even if it is only seven out of ten times, and yes, like the builder in the example above, really be in engaged and show up for your kids when you are with them, your kids won’t even NOTICE the mistakes that we make.
And yes, believe me as parents we will make plenty of mistakes. I know because I have raised five kids as a parent. They all turned out really good, and yes we made plenty of mistakes.
But one thing I do know for sure is that I’m a GOOD ENOUGH PARENT! And that’s GOOD ENOUGH.
Timothy Milner LMFT, M.S.M.F.T., M.DIV., CSAT-C
Tim is the Clinical Director for Flatirons-Counseling Services-Serving all of Boulder County including Boulder, Longmont, Broomfield, Louisville, Lafayette, Superior and Westminster. We are also licensed to provide Skype Type (HIPPA APPROVED) Online Counseling and Therapy anywhere in Colorado.